May Good Spirit Reign Cheers

Ebenezer Ale - Bottle Conditioned Winter Warmer

Another Bridgeport, another great beer...  What else should we expect from Bridgeport.  We bet they could make an ice beer that was actually tasty.  This beer is a rich, malty beer with a smooth finish.  "Enough flavour to stand up to any figgy pudding."  Just what is figgy pudding?  And why would you stand it up to beer?  Open up an Ebenezer, pass on the figgy pudding and sit back in a nice easy chair next to a fire.  Watch the mayhem of Christmas unfold around you as you crack open another and another.

ABV: 6.4%

COLOR: Deep Amber

RATING:  4.25

QUACK! QUACK!

DUCK FART

If you Google Duck Fart recipes you get a wide variety and a lot of them are WRONG!  Urban Dictionary has the correct definition:

"A layered (not mixed) drink made of Kahlua, Bailey's Irish cream and Crown Royal (in that order, and ideally with just a float of Crown), the Duck Fart is to Alaska what the Mai-Tai is to Hawaii and the Margarita is to Mexico."

So a big fan of the Alaskan Tasters made the tasters Duck Fart gelatine shots.  NOT JELL-O SHOTS. (Jell-o is a registered trademark of Kraft Foods.)  These shots used another Kraft product.  They were made with Kahlua, Bailey’s Irish Cream, Crown Royal and Knox Gelatine.

The taste was spot on.  Always nice to have a little texture in a shot.  As far as the alcohol level... who knows, who cares.

RATING: 4.00



Humuhumunukanukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapoopoo!

Wailua from Kona Brewing Company

Aloha Series:  Wheat Ale with Passion Fruit

From the largest island in the US (Hawaii) to the 12th largest (Revillagigedo) via the the 20th largest island (O'ahu).  A lot of island hopping for this wheat ale!

Bitterness: 15 IBU (10 times more hoppy then Miller Lite)

Alcohol by Volume: 5.4%

Color:  Golden Sun

RATING: I'd let someone buy it for me.



Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah

"Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning
In fact, it was a little bit frightening
But they fought with expert timing"

KUNG FU GIRL

Riesling by Charles Smith Wines

"There was funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were trapping them up
They were trapping them down
It's an ancient Chinese art
And everybody knew their part
From a fainting, to a slip
And a kickin' from the hip
Everybody was Kung Fu fighting
Those kids were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit fright'ning
But they fought with expert timing"

After chugging (or Chun King) a bottle of Kung Fu Girl, your expert timing might be a little off. The next thing you know  a roundhouse kick coming at you from Little Sammy Chong.

Kung Fu Girl is a riesling from Charles Smith Wines. Vinted and bottled in Mattawa, Washingon (which is in the Columbia Valley).  Riesling grapes are used to make dry, semi-sweet and sparkling wines.  Our little Kung Fu gal is a semi-sweet riesling.  Not too sweet with a little bitterness... like that Asian Stan dated.  (Kung Fu Girl will not set you back as far as the one Stan dated... around $14.99)

ABV: 12.5%
COLOR:  Clear
ODOR: Fermented Grape

"There was funky Billie Jim and little Sammy Chong
He said, here comes the big boss, let's get it on
We took the bow and made a stand
Started swaying with the hand
A sudden motion made me skip
Now we're into a brand new trip"

Carl Douglas would like this wine and so should you.

RATING:  3.76

 

RED STAG

NOW THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE!

YES!  After two months of no posts, we are back... and we are back with ANOTHER review of a Jim Beam product.  It is like we are co-dependent.  The last beating was not enough so we are back for more. It is like we are having a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves.  As soon as we break it off with Jim, we are with Jack, Johnnie, Glen or Old Grandad but somewhere, deep down, we are still thinkingof Jim even though he leaves a bitter taster in our mouth.

Red Stag (by Jim Beam) is a 4 year old bourbon infused with "natural" flavors.  The "natural" flavor is prunus serotina (aka Black Cherry).  Black cherries are found predominantly in the eastern United States and central Mexico.  Yet you don't hear of mexicans sticking black cherries in their tequila. 

A 1 oz shot has 69 calories and no nutritional value.  Take a moment quietly chuckle to yourself.

ABV: 80 Proof

Odor:  Slight cough syrup odor.

Taste:  After a straight shot of 69 calories, we are feelling a bit burly and are obliged to try more.  Very sweet, like syrup.  We do not recommend for straight sipping or taking shots.  Next we will try it mixed with COCA COLA.  Still sweet and tastes like cherry coke cough medicine.  You know, if cough medicine tasted like this... it would be awesome.  Unfortunately it is not cough syrup and that sucks for Jim Beam. 

RATING: 1.8

Our relationship has ended... again.

FREE BEER!

Summer has been busy for the tasters and we are behind in our blogs.  Does not mean we haven't been tasting!  Just not typing.  We were hoping by this time we would be reviewing TACTICAL NUCLEAR PENGUIN but, instead, we are reviewing a bottle of home brew made by someone we don't know.

SPRUCE TIP HOMEBREW by NEIL

Xtratuf not included.

A nice aroma of spruce.  Amber in color.  Very light in taste.  "Neil needs more spruce in his tip!"

Sweet in flavor and not much bitterness in flavor.  Trying to type this out before I go blind.  You never know with homebrew.  Tastes green... like it needs to ripen more (either by longer fermentation or longer aging).  Neil is definitely on the right track.

ABV:  Who knows?

RATING:  3 today... maybe 3.5 in 6 weeks

The Devil made us do it.

Jim Beam Devil's Cut

"A Bold New Bourbon with Flavor Unlocked from inside the Barrel Wood."

Uncle Jimmy tells us that the portion of liquid lost to evaporation during aging is the "Angel's Share".  Thank God the Angels are not forced to drink what is left in the barrel (regular Jim Beam).  Now the cheap bastards have taken a page from Mogen David in making Devil's Cut.  Mogen David used to be a regular/average wine maker until they came up with the brilliant idea of taking the leftover pressings and fortifying them.  MD 20/20 was born and bums across America rejoiced.  Maybe Devil's Cut will boost Jim Beam into bum territory.



So here we are AGAIN with Uncle Jimmy like a dysfunctional relationship that keeps surfacing (like herpes).  Jim Beam Devil's Cut is made from the whiskey left inside the wood of the barrel after it is emptied.  They claim they have a proprietary method of removing the whiskey which we believe is two drunk hillbillies stomping on the barrels with their bare feet.  The leftover barrel juice (called "extract") is aged and then blended with a 6 year old bourbon.

ABV: 45%

COLOR: Whiskey with a hue of hillbilly foot flesh
ODOR: Yes.. odor.  Dr. Scholls charcoal foot pad with a slight effervescence of vanilla

For this tasting, the tasters are starting off with straight shots.  That's right!  No mixer, no rocks and no sipping.

Not bad.  Much smoother finish than regular Jim Beam.  Apparently they are leaving the best part in the barrel and finally figured how to get it out.

Next... we tried it mixed with COCA-COLA.  The sweetness of the coke brings out the vanilla tones in the Devil's Cut.  Speaking of Devil's Cut... did Keanu Reeves make a deal with devil to star in "The Devil's Advocate"?  Seriously!  Keanu Reeves in a movie with Al Pacino and Charlize Theron!  He surely got a case of Devil Crabs with that deal (and a filthy sanchez).

"Not bad... but I'm half drunk!" - Lisa


RATING: 3.04

UTOPIAS!

Samuel Adams Utopias 2011

Quoted directly from Samuel Adams website:

"Sweet fire, with a rich malt and wood complexity.

Truly the epitome of brewing's two thousand year evolution, Samuel Adams Utopias® offers a flavor not just unlike any other beer but unlike any other beverage in the world. The 2009 release is a blend of batches, some having been aged up to 16 years in the barrel room of our Boston Brewery, in a variety of woods. We aged a portion of the beer in hand-selected, single-use bourbon casks from the award-winning Buffalo Trace Distillery. The latest batch also spent time in Portuguese muscatel finishing casks, as well as sherry, brandy and Cognac casks. This flavorful, slightly fruity brew has a sweet, malty flavor that is reminiscent of a deep, rich vintage port, fine cognac or aged sherry."

Most folks have never seen a bottle of Utopias let alone heard of it.  However, the tasters are knowledgable and have connections.  The bottled aquired by us was only the second to make it into our area.  It traveled 3100+ miles to get here. 

For this special tasting, we had to go off to an undisclosed location.  A few guest tasters new of the location and the password.  Since the tasting is over we can now let you know that the password was "Poodle".

The aroma of the utopias is definitely reminiscent of a fine sherry.  Almost a burnt smell to it, perhaps coming from the barrels it was aged in.  Color is a deep amber.  Taste is a sweet malty flavor.  Felt like we should have been on the veranda after a fine meal smoking a Tatuaje Verocu cigar and sipping this fine blend.

It is not for everyone.  Some people would rather smoke a swisher and guzzle jagermeister.  But what does it matter what we say?  Odds are you will never have the chance to taste this but, if you do, take it!  (Only 53 barrels were used in 2011). 

ABV: 27%

BOTTLE:  Kettle shaped ceramic hand crafted in Brazil

PRICE: $249.00+

RATING:  Complex

Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey

Like a little black rain cloud,  the tasters were in search of something sweet.  Luckily our little friend brought us by a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey!*

"Here ya go Mister Tasters!  Hope ya like it!"

Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey is a honey liqueur blended with whiskey.  Now liqueurs are generally known as after dinner drinks that are sipped in small glasses.  The tasters decided it was an afternoon drink served in pints... (with ice). 

The aroma is sweet with a hint of spice.  The bottled reads "Enjoy Chilled" and that is how we tried it.  Sweet with no after taste burn that most whiskeys have.  Definitely honey taste without the heavy stickiness.  Smooth. 

We had several guest tasters and ideas of how to use this liqueur came from all directions.  A majority of the ideas had to do with incorporating the liqueur into desserts.  We suggest a bread pudding with a whiskey sauce.  (Bread pudding should use golden raisins).

ABV: 35%

RATING: 4.0

*No children or bees were harmed in this tasting.

Trader Joe's 2010 Vintage Ale

"I am given a message to deliver to a general.  I ride and ride, but the general's headquarters seem to get farther and farther away.  Finally, a giant black panther leaps upon me and devours my mind and heart.  This puts a terrific crimp in my evening.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot catch the general, whom I see running in the distance in his shorts and whispering "nutmeg" to his enemies." - Woody Allen

A long opening for a beer that took a long ride to get to the tasters.  This bottled traveled up the west coast in the saddle bag of a Harley Davidson.

Nutmeg is the key word here.  Trader Joe's 2010 Vintage Ale is a dark ale brewed with spices and natural flavor.  Nutmeg is a definite flavor note keyed on by the tasters and our guest tasters.

This ale definitely gets style points for the cork.  It loses a few points for being a product of Canada and not being brewed at Elsinore Brewery.  Remember, lawyers are for sucks.

ABV: 9%
Color: Coffee
Aroma: Burnt Malt

Seems to be highly carbonated (this could be due to long ride it took) and starts of smooth.  It has a funky finish and this is where the tasters differ.  Guest tasters loved the funky finish in the style of George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic.  The regular Alaskan Tasters found the funky finish more in the style of Lionel Richie after he left the Commodores and started stalking blind women.  Sorry Trader Joe's, this is not the one we are looking for.

RATING: 2.5

Embrace Your Dark Side

Bridgeport Cafe Negro

Oregon's oldest craft brewery is mixing caffeine with beer. A dangerous thing to do... remember the original Four Loko?  Once they banned that shit the company turned the back stock into ethanol. NOT KIDDING!  ETHANOL!  Well the folks at Bridgeport are more concerned about flavor than getting you drunk and obviously have no concern if their beer is sold at 7-11. 

Cafe Negro is a coffee infused porter and one thing the Alaskan Tasters definitely know is coffee.  We drink coffee roasted by Steve at the Green Coffee Bean Company.  In fact, the tasters gave a bottle of Cafe Negro to Steve last week and have not seen him since.

Color: Espresso
Odor: Burnt Malt
ABV: 5.5%

Not a heavy porter.  Nice smooth flavor.  Coffee taste is there but is not over powering.  We think this would pair well with a nice vanilla bean ice cream.  Or perhaps try it instead of Guinness in an Irish Car Bomb.  Also would be a great breakfast beer.

We know... another Bridgeport beer and another good review.  Sorry but them tree hugging hippies know how to craft good beer.

RATING: 3.8

Malibu Caribbean Cosmo

The very first observation of the Malibu Caribbean Cosmo is that it needs a giant straw.  The packaging makes it look like a giant Capri Sun.  (Despite having a tap at the bottom of the bag)  In fact, we believe this product makes Capri Sun a transition vehicle to being an alcoholic.  DRINK UP KIDDIES!



Malibu Rum makes three flavors of their ready to serve cocktails.  Rum Punch, Mojito and Caribbean Cosmo.  The cosmo is "a blend of Malibu Coconut, Lime, Orange and Cranberry.  The 1.75 liter bag claims there is ten six ounce cocktails in it.  We think it holds just one.  

ABV: 15%

COLOR:  PINK

AROMA: Tropicana Suntan Lotion

Definitely sweet and fruity.  Something I expect a Sassy Gay Friend to drink.  Almost too sweet so we definitely suggest drinking it on ice.  "I can tell right now Lisa is going to get drunk off her ass on this stuff!"  That about says it all.  Buy this one for your date (especially if they are female or gay).

We suggest  throwing it in a blender with ice to make a cosmo smoothie and topping it with a rum floater..  It would pair nicely with some Jamaican Jerk Chicken or any spicy food.

OUR RATING: 3.0

YOUR DRUNK DATE'S RATING: 4.OH!

 

Hecho en Mexico

BOHEMIA CLASICA

Bohemia Clasica is a lager made imported by Cervezas Mexicanas.  Cerveza Mexicanas is located in White Plains, New York... which is about 2800 miles from the Mexican border.  So if you visit the importers it is highly unlikely that a group of Mexicans are standing on the corner waiting for a guy in a pick up to drive up* and hold up four fingers.  Bohemia is brewed in Monterrey, Mexico.

Bohemia is a nice golden color and comes in a bottle that is wrapped with gold foil.  In fact, there is more gold on a bottle of Bohemia than the Hoffmans found at Porcupine Creek.  Bohemia is, perhaps, the type of beer Dakota Fred drinks while vacationing in Mexico after succesfully mining for gold (which would mean mining without the Hoffmans).  In tasting the lager, it seems only natural that is made for warmer weather.  Bohemia suggests that it is "terrific as a counterpoint to food."  We suggest that it is a terrific as a counterpoint to another Bohemia.

ABV: 5.3%

RATING: 3.35

*The Alaskan Tasters in no way condone racism... just humor.

Here's Rye in Your Eye!

Jim Beam Rye

Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey



According to Jim Beam this is "The World's Finest Rye".  Well Uncle Jimmy also told us that Jim Beam Whiskey is "The World's Finest Bourbon" and we found out he was a liar.  (Read our review on March 4th, 2011).  We are giving Uncle Jimmy another chance... you know like a person in an abusive relationship gives their partner another chance even though she drew blood biting you through your jeans and then made you apologize to her family for making her act that way.  Let us hope the troopers will not be involved in this one.

Jim Beam Rye is 80 proof.  It is an American rye whiskey which means it is made from a mash of at least 51 percent rye and is aged in charred oak barrels.  Secondary grains are usually corn and/or barley.  Bourbon is made from a mash of at least 51 percent corn.  There are some other rules that go with what makes it a rye but we forget and our memory will only get worse with tasting.

Has a spicy flavor that is slightly sweet.  Very nice to sip on straight.  Guest taster Sam said, "It is different and that can be dangerous... mighty tasty!"  After trying it straight it was time to go crazy.  Mixed up a Duck Cocktail.  Jim Beam Rye, ice and Canada Dry ginger ale.  We know... pretty crazy mixing up Kentucky with Canada.  (Libel to come up with an Ohioan).  The ginger flavor goes well with spiciness of the rye.  DUCKS BEWARE!

Uncle Jimmy did not steer us wrong this time.  Our relationship has be reconciled until we catch him in Betty King alley giving hand jobs for crack. 

Best paired with duck poppers (as long as you have plenty of bacon and plenty of toothpicks) or apple pie.

RATING: 3.14159265

SHINER

Shiner Spring Ale made by Spoetzl Brewery in Shiner, Texas. 

Ahh Texas!  Well maybe on a hot spring day in Texas Private Cowboy would enjoy this beer.  Just what in the Wide World of Sports is Dortumunder style?  After tasting, we really don't want to know.  Perhaps they copied they style of Natural Light but decided it needed a fancier name.

"There's Nothing FINER!  Than a springtime shiner!"

Well we beg to differ.  It is not a horrible beer but it lacks flavor.  This is a seasonal ale that is made in the winter.  Makes perfect sense if you are from Texas.  Why bother making a spring ale in spring?  So if you want to run to the liquor store to get a Shiner Spring Ale... too fucking late.  However, I am sure their winter lager should be released next week.

Color:  Yellow (like every Texan)

ABV: 5.5%

RATING: Winter time 3.0  Spring time 1.8

OVERALL: 2.9

Look what we found in the trash!

NORTHERN LIGHT

We were about to take out the trash and found a bottle of Northern Light Canadian Whisky!

We put it back.

RATING: 0.6

Bridgeport Hop Harvest Ale

"From the Field to Brew in One Hour"

From the bottle to our mouths in one minute.  Don't run to the store to find this one because we just drank the last bottle.  A special brew that Bridgeport makes when they are feeling hoppy.  No immediate plans to make this ale in the future... but, if they do, give your mouth a harvest from the northwest.  It is lighter in color and does have some small particles floating (due to the unfiltered process or perhaps it is hippy dust).

You would think it would be a little harsh but it is smooth and very tasty.  No flashy SHINE ON label to draw you in.  This triple hopped imperial style ale is all about flavor.  Did we tell you about Miller lite being triple hopped? 

ABV: 6.56%

RATING: 3.75+

KINGPIN

Bridgeport Kingpin

Triple Hopped Double Red Ale

Triple hopped?  You know Miller lite claims it is triple hopped brewed.  We call bullshit and so do a lot of folks.  The IBU of Miller lite is around 8 so that means the hops might be in the same plant when it is made.  Enough about Miller lite.  Bridgeport Brewing is Oregon's oldest craft brewery.  Located in Portland, Bridgeport does not require employees to shave their legs and Birkenstock repair classes are offered to all.

So it is kind of a red colored ale.  A little closer to amber but color has never stopped us from tasting...   Definitely a nice aroma of hops.  Nice bitterness and smooth finish.  On a rainy spring day, this would be a nice beer to have.  Or perhaps on fall day... or perhaps on a drinking day.  It is a beer that would make you forget about the girl server with dreadlocks, hairy armpits and the odor of chanterelles (or patchouli oil).  This would pair well with a mushroom dish or almost any fine northwest cuisine.  However it would not pair well  with the crap served at the whiskey tasting last night.  Unreal!  Let's pair a high end Scotch Whiskey like Oban with nacho cheese.  NOT KIDDING!  NACHO CHEESE!  How many kilt wearers do you think walk into the local pub and order a single malt with a side of nachos?  Might as well have served Ritz with Easy Cheese (as long as it was the bacon flavored).  But I digress...

ABV 7.5%  IBU 65 


Rating: Solid 4

Seagram's 7 Crown Stone Cherry

-An American Blended Whiskey with Cherry, Citrus and other flavors.

Seagram's seems to think that whiskey flavor is not enough.  So they added cherry, citrus and "other" flavors to their 7 Crown blend.  Curiosity killed the cat and the tasters are curious!  Seagram's suggests trying their blended whiskey straight or with cola... we will try it both ways and then come up with our own suggestions.

Color: Amber

Odor: Cherry flavored cough syrup but not as strong.  The cherry scent is definitely predominant. No Citrus or "other" scent (other than the slight whiskey scent)

ABV: 35.5% (71 proof)

Square bottle is nice because you don't have to worry about it rolling around on floor boards.

First we tried it straight:  Very sweet.  Definite cherry flavor.  Not bitter.  Easy to sip.  Might be nice to sip on while smoking a cigar.  Kind of like liquid Mike and Ike candies with BOOZE!  (Must be the Citrus and "other" flavors)

With cola (and by cola we mean COCA-COLA... not Pepsi, RC, Shasta, Sam's Choice... etc.): The cola definitely brings out the citrus flavors.  Cherry flavor is there but not as bold as we thought it would be.  A good way for a person who does not like whiskey to indulge.

With lemon-lime soda: A little sweet but easy to drink.

We suggest to not drink it straight unless ice is added (letting the ice melt a little).  Mixed with cola is preferred.  Pairs well with barbecues, buffets and swinger parties.

RATING: 3.5

SHINE ON!

GEORGIA MOON CORN WHISKEY



The half-empty (half-full) of Georgian Moon Corn Whiskey came into our hands by way of donation from a loyal follower.  Which, by the way, would be only way we suggest you come by some... do not spend your own money.  "Less than 30 days old" is the tag line under the title and that is about 30 days too many for this disappointing whiskey.  Come on!  It is in a 750ml mason jar and has a cool name.  Perhaps our expectations were just too high.  How could any whiskey lover pass on a jar that looks like it just came out of a wooden crate in the back of a big finned Chrysler New Yorker.  The visual attraction is about all it has going for it and that just might be all that the Johnston Distilling Company cares about.  No website to link to but check out this commercial!

Color:  Clear

ABV: 40%

Smells like musty cream of corn that went bad... in 1972.

Will not light on fire (we tried burning it)

Best paired with squirrel or possum.

RATING: 1.8  SHINE OFF!

Alaskan Winter Ale

Don't let the picture of the winged rat fool you...

Alaskan Winter Ale is a seasonal beer made by Alaskan Brewing Company and it is a shame that the season doesn't last longer.  Most of Alaskan Brewing Co.'s beers are over-hyped, much like the Quitter Queen (AKA Sarah Palin), but not this beer.  The English-style ale is made with spruce tips and noble hops.  it has a sweet start, smooth body and crisp finish.

"Some winter ale and a big woman is all you need to make it through the winter!"  - Alaskan Old Timer
However, we suggest that some good socks and a bag of Cheetos wouldn't hurt either.  Alaska Winter Ale pairs well with a herb roasted game hen (along with an apple chutney) or a Hungry Man Turkey Dinner.

COLOR : Ale (Golden)
ABV 6.4% 
IBU 27

OVERALL RATING: 3.629

Jim Beam - Kentucky Straight Bourbon

"The World's #1 Bourbon for a reason" -According to Jim Beam

"Number one because it is cheap" -According to the Alaskan Tasters.

After two sips we were ready to hop a seiner to Metlakatla.  But that would be an entirely different blog.  Jim Beam has a color that is best matches stale beer that has been found three days after a party (also known as the generic color of most cheap whiskeys).  The odor is close to that of a black Sharpie (fine point).  Very little body to the whiskey as it starts out fairly smooth and then finishes bitter (much like a psychotic woman).  Our advice is to try it on the rocks.  Let the ice water it down first and sip it slowly.  We also tried it mixed with Coca Cola and it ruined it (the coca cola).

Price wise it is inexpensive.  It can be found at any liquor store (usuallly near Northern Light).  We think it would pair well with overcooked halibut covered in Velveeta cheese.  Overall we rated it 2.25 on our scale of 1 to 5.

Our scale*:
1  Best used as engine cleaner
2  A drink to buy for someone you don't really like
3  A drink to buy for someone you like.
4  A drink to buy for yourself.
5  A drink to buy for Jesus.

*Scale ratings description may change with amount of beverages consumed by Alaskan Tasters.