Trader Joe's 2010 Vintage Ale

"I am given a message to deliver to a general.  I ride and ride, but the general's headquarters seem to get farther and farther away.  Finally, a giant black panther leaps upon me and devours my mind and heart.  This puts a terrific crimp in my evening.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot catch the general, whom I see running in the distance in his shorts and whispering "nutmeg" to his enemies." - Woody Allen

A long opening for a beer that took a long ride to get to the tasters.  This bottled traveled up the west coast in the saddle bag of a Harley Davidson.

Nutmeg is the key word here.  Trader Joe's 2010 Vintage Ale is a dark ale brewed with spices and natural flavor.  Nutmeg is a definite flavor note keyed on by the tasters and our guest tasters.

This ale definitely gets style points for the cork.  It loses a few points for being a product of Canada and not being brewed at Elsinore Brewery.  Remember, lawyers are for sucks.

ABV: 9%
Color: Coffee
Aroma: Burnt Malt

Seems to be highly carbonated (this could be due to long ride it took) and starts of smooth.  It has a funky finish and this is where the tasters differ.  Guest tasters loved the funky finish in the style of George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic.  The regular Alaskan Tasters found the funky finish more in the style of Lionel Richie after he left the Commodores and started stalking blind women.  Sorry Trader Joe's, this is not the one we are looking for.

RATING: 2.5

Embrace Your Dark Side

Bridgeport Cafe Negro

Oregon's oldest craft brewery is mixing caffeine with beer. A dangerous thing to do... remember the original Four Loko?  Once they banned that shit the company turned the back stock into ethanol. NOT KIDDING!  ETHANOL!  Well the folks at Bridgeport are more concerned about flavor than getting you drunk and obviously have no concern if their beer is sold at 7-11. 

Cafe Negro is a coffee infused porter and one thing the Alaskan Tasters definitely know is coffee.  We drink coffee roasted by Steve at the Green Coffee Bean Company.  In fact, the tasters gave a bottle of Cafe Negro to Steve last week and have not seen him since.

Color: Espresso
Odor: Burnt Malt
ABV: 5.5%

Not a heavy porter.  Nice smooth flavor.  Coffee taste is there but is not over powering.  We think this would pair well with a nice vanilla bean ice cream.  Or perhaps try it instead of Guinness in an Irish Car Bomb.  Also would be a great breakfast beer.

We know... another Bridgeport beer and another good review.  Sorry but them tree hugging hippies know how to craft good beer.

RATING: 3.8

Malibu Caribbean Cosmo

The very first observation of the Malibu Caribbean Cosmo is that it needs a giant straw.  The packaging makes it look like a giant Capri Sun.  (Despite having a tap at the bottom of the bag)  In fact, we believe this product makes Capri Sun a transition vehicle to being an alcoholic.  DRINK UP KIDDIES!



Malibu Rum makes three flavors of their ready to serve cocktails.  Rum Punch, Mojito and Caribbean Cosmo.  The cosmo is "a blend of Malibu Coconut, Lime, Orange and Cranberry.  The 1.75 liter bag claims there is ten six ounce cocktails in it.  We think it holds just one.  

ABV: 15%

COLOR:  PINK

AROMA: Tropicana Suntan Lotion

Definitely sweet and fruity.  Something I expect a Sassy Gay Friend to drink.  Almost too sweet so we definitely suggest drinking it on ice.  "I can tell right now Lisa is going to get drunk off her ass on this stuff!"  That about says it all.  Buy this one for your date (especially if they are female or gay).

We suggest  throwing it in a blender with ice to make a cosmo smoothie and topping it with a rum floater..  It would pair nicely with some Jamaican Jerk Chicken or any spicy food.

OUR RATING: 3.0

YOUR DRUNK DATE'S RATING: 4.OH!

 

Hecho en Mexico

BOHEMIA CLASICA

Bohemia Clasica is a lager made imported by Cervezas Mexicanas.  Cerveza Mexicanas is located in White Plains, New York... which is about 2800 miles from the Mexican border.  So if you visit the importers it is highly unlikely that a group of Mexicans are standing on the corner waiting for a guy in a pick up to drive up* and hold up four fingers.  Bohemia is brewed in Monterrey, Mexico.

Bohemia is a nice golden color and comes in a bottle that is wrapped with gold foil.  In fact, there is more gold on a bottle of Bohemia than the Hoffmans found at Porcupine Creek.  Bohemia is, perhaps, the type of beer Dakota Fred drinks while vacationing in Mexico after succesfully mining for gold (which would mean mining without the Hoffmans).  In tasting the lager, it seems only natural that is made for warmer weather.  Bohemia suggests that it is "terrific as a counterpoint to food."  We suggest that it is a terrific as a counterpoint to another Bohemia.

ABV: 5.3%

RATING: 3.35

*The Alaskan Tasters in no way condone racism... just humor.